Quality of Life

I did not get involved in animal rescue for the heartache and tears. That much I know for a fact. I also did not get involved in animal rescue because I enjoy making hard decisions; decisions about quality of life.  I do not have the appropriate life experiences, or knowledge, or degrees, or magic powers for that. How could I possibly consider what another living creature’s quality of life is like? Yet now, for the second time, I find myself asking these impossible questions.

How much pain is too much pain?

How much happiness is not enough happiness?

How many extreme life-saving surgeries are too many surgeries?

How many days of suffering are too many days?

How much sadness is too much sadness?

How much heartbreak is too much heartbreak?

And I would just like to be honest with the world about this. I don’t know. I don’t know these answers, not for a damn second. I know though, that it’s pretty crushing to wonder.

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I did not want a foster dog. I’m building a business, hosting in home boarding clients, paying off student debt, traveling to visit family and friends, helping my boyfriend foster, working 348 a few jobs. I did not have a plan, for this foster dog. Yet now I have a foster dog. I will not go too deeply into how I ended up with this dog, because now he’s mine.  What I will say though, is that no one who’s ever cared for this dog has had a plan. No one.

And because I’m human, I love him. He’s fantastic. The best. Amazing. Now I have sole responsibility for his care.

Re·spon·si·bil·i·ty. The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.

So here I am, being responsible. I will not fail this dog. I will not be to blame for his suffering. We will have a plan. And even if that plan involves me ripping my heart out, asking myself those impossible questions, I will do it. Because he deserves it. For once in his life, he deserves a human who puts his quality of life and care first.

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So to my new dog, Arnold;

“I promise to do my very best in being responsible for you. I promise to love you- though loving you is the easy part- everyone has done that. So I will do more. I promise to come up with a plan. I promise to ask myself the most painful questions about your life and care. I promise to listen to you. I promise to make your days count, and your feelings matter. I will do my absolute best. And I apologize in advance, for not knowing all the answers. But boy will I try, because you deserve it. You deserve more than love. You deserve quality of life. Even with my heart breaking, I will make sure you get that.” ❤

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